Scary Mary

I ran across this on YouTube tonight and it tickled my funny bone (in a twisted sort of way). Just goes to show that the trailer you see on tv may not reflect the real nature of a movie at all. How many times has a comedy shown all the best clips in the 30 second commercial? Anyhow, enjoy. :)

Mmm chocolate.

Well I like chocolate so this little quiz has that part right! I don't know about representing pure temptation though?! Makes me sound like some sort of vixen and I am definately not that!

You Are Mud Pie

You're the perfect combo of flavor and depth. You are overpowering and dominant - and that's what people like about you. You bring energy and a new direction to most interactions. People crave you in a serious way. You're that important to them. Those who like you give into their impulses. You don't represent reason. You represent pure temptation. People get addicted to you rather easily. You offer people a dark side that is very hard to resist.

What Kind of Pie Are You?

week off

I took this week off work. *sigh* so nice.... I mean, I love my job and all.... but I really needed a break. There has been so much happen the last couple months - completing my research project, changing churches, starting to train the new team for Africa, graduating from University, a hard birth, this aggravating cough, deciding to become a midwife, figuring out what changes will need to happen in order to make midwifery happen for me.... have I missed anything?

After all the uproar and change in my life, I haven't done anything spectacular this week. Read books, watched movies, shared time and food with friends, slept in. Someone left me gift cards for Chapters, Starbucks, and a gas station, (in the mailbox at a good friends house) which enabled me to spend a lovely afternoon browsing, sipping, and purchasing today. It has been a really tough season financially (donations at the non-profit I work for have been way down, which means there is no money available for my pay), so the generous gifts some of my friends have provided me have been a real boost to my otherwise low spirits.

I did take on two challenges this week though. Friends of mine have a combination wood-oil furnace which in 6 years I have never attempted to work....I've sat huddled under blankets for hours rather than try to light it. But this morning I managed to light a fire in it which warmed up their whole house. Yeah!

I also bought a Sudoku book this afternoon. If you know me, you might have just spit out your coffee when you read that. I dislike math. And I hate puzzles. But I bought a math puzzle book. Why? Because midwifery means math and chemistry and I thought I should stretch my brain in an uncomfortable direction for practice. ..turns out that it's kinda fun.... even though I'm ridiculously slow. It takes me about 20 minutes even to do one beginner puzzle. But I'm trying right?

Tomorrow morning I plan to lay in bed and watch some documentaries I have borrowed from the library. In the afternoon.... I might just start decorating for Christmas. I know it's a little early still, but if I can't shop I can at least decorate.

It's getting late and I'm weary. Time to go to bed.

Just had to mention....

.... that I now officially hold a degree. I picked it up from the school while I was out and about today. Then did a postpartum followup visit with a client. Then went to the Midwifery Education Program information session at Ryerson (just to gather info). Now it is really late and I should be going to bed because I have to work (some long hours) from tomorrow through to Sunday. But I'm a little wound up. Because after 10 years, now I really, truly, am 100% done!

I'm debating about whether or not to argue with the school over a detail on my transcript. But it won't affect my degree at all, and would only move my GPA from a 3.44 up to a 3.56 (I repeated one course, because a variety of circumstances outside my control meant I couldn't do it the first time. They listed the first time through as an F, and listed the second time through as a new credit rather than a course repeat. The course was the same, but they changed the course code when they restructured the program. I don't like having an F on my transcript though. It looks bad.) I'll probably at least e-mail the Registrar and ask about it.

ETA: the school has agreed to manually change my transcript to indicate a 'repeat' course and eliminate the "F" - YEAH! I am happy happy happy. And I called my high school today to check on my OAC grades - I do have more than the minimum required to get into the MEP at Ryerson.

Okay, it is after 1am. Really time to go to bed now.

Are you kidding?

I've taken today off work. I was hoping for a quiet day at home. Listen to music. Read books. Watch a movie. .....I forgot that our landlords are having their bathroom gutted today. The hammering, sawing, and general banging do not make for a quiet and peaceful apartment in which to enjoy a rare day off. *Sigh* I think I'll get off the computer and go back to my bedroom now (where the noise is a little duller)

(On the positive side though, I did get to spend most of yesterday with various friends and it was lovely).

Thinking Big

On Halloween, a friend came over to hang out with my room-mate and I. We turned off the porchlight and ate the candy ourselves (shhh - don't tell your children!). Over the course of the evening an ad came on for the $30million 649 drawing and we began the 'what would you do if you won' game. After the usual things (pay off debt, give to charity, help out family/friends, invest), we got down to the things that were unique to each of us. Without a moment of hesitation I said "I'd go to midwifery school."

Wait.

What was that?

Did I just say out loud that if there were no obstacles, my chosen path would be midwifery? I guess I better give this a bit more thought. I'd been playing with the idea in the back of my mind for many months, but I'd never expressed it so clearly before.

And so, although I'm not really sure how I'm going to navigate (or pay!) my way, I have decided to start the long road towards becoming a midwife.

The last few months have been such a whirlwind. I'm taking some time off next week (although I have to work Thursday - Sunday), then hopefully a few more days the week after that. I'm not going anywhere or doing anything in particular with this vacation time, but I feel like I need some breathing space. Space to figure out where I am and where I'm heading and how exactly I'm going to get there.
I'll keep you posted. :)

Weekend Birth - some thoughts for Kris.

I was at a birth on the weekend. Mostly good I guess. Mom coped well despite a lot of things stacked against her. Baby is relatively healthy - not perfect - but nothing too dangerous either.

I feel like this one is still swirling around inside me though and I haven't put all the pieces together quite yet. I'm physically rested after taking a couple days off to recover. I don't burst into tears every time I talk about the situation (which I was still doing yesterday!).

But I have to say, that I HATE having to interpret messages from a social worker to a Mom who is either in labour, or just given birth, that she is losing custody of her child. I feel like my heart is being ripped apart in those moments and all I want to do is hold Mom in my arms and sob alongside her..... sometimes our world SUCKS. Even when I can see the reasons why a parent loses custody, it doesn't really lessen the heartache.

As for the hospital I was at - I had one nurse thank me for being there and tell me that she learned a lot from me about how she can better support labouring women (YEAH!). Another nurse and doctor asked me lots of questions about where I learned to be a doula because most of the doulas they see "don't do much of anything". I had another nurse (who was built like a linebacker) physically grab my arms and drag me out of the way, as I was about to do something which the doctor had asked. And it wasn't just me - she gave the anesthetist an almighty shove too! Then a few minutes later she came in with mints for everyone. The doctor slapped my hand at one point and told me to be quiet then turned around and yelled at my client to "shut your mouth and do as I tell you". But a little while after that the doctor was kind and positive. HUH?! This birth was just up and down and back and forth and....

As I was reading over at kris' blog today, and about her desire to serve young women in need (like many of the women I work with), I just wanted to say....

Go carefully Kris. This is a different kind of doula work and some days it is excruciating. Some days you wonder if you're crazy, and if you'll ever find the strength to do another birth. Your mind can tell you it's worth it, and your soul can know that God is calling you to this ministry, but your heart just aches with the heaviness of their hurt. Sometimes, even when you offer EVERYTHING, and you pour out all your love, it still isn't enough. The world needs people who are willing to do what you want to do Kris.... but proceed with caution and protect your heart okay? Build in amazing support systems for yourself. And when you feel like you've got a safe place to land, try to add another layer of padding too..... that's what I wanted to say in my comments on your blog this morning but couldn't find the words.

Real Beauty

"Onslaught"




When you're done watching the "Onslaught Video", check out the Dove film "Daughters" on YouTube (didn't have a link for embedding).

Then come back, and watch this one: