Happy Birthy Thoughts

The last few days have been filled with me being 'agitated' that our culture is what it is when it comes to pregnancy and birth and postpartum and breastfeeding. I was just reading through Midwifery Today's online edition, and found this. I'm not sure that it means anything for me on a practical level, but is exciting nonetheless and has put a smile back on my face.

Detective Work - ETA

ETA: This morning (Thursday) I actually recommended supplementing with formula. Baby is showing signs that he needs more calories and right now (in this particular set of circumstances) formula is the fastest way to do that.... even though it chaps my a** to have to say it. Next step is increasing her overall quantity of milk after all. (I think her regular smoking is having a very detrimental effect on the breastfeeding relationship). *Sigh*

After much reading, researching, thinking and so on, I suspect the issue isn't actually low milk supply - I think it is a hindmilk/foremilk and slow-flowing milk issue. I've suggested Mom express a little right before each feed, stick with one side throughout the feed, and do breast compression during each feed. I've also suggested she look into a high-quality fish oil (because while it offers some of the same benefits as flax oil, it also helps protect Mom against postpartum depression and helps baby's brain grow). She's thinking about it.

It makes me so mad!

.... when a doctor says to a newly breastfeeding Mom "Well, you can do what you want, but your baby doesn't weigh as much as he should so I think you should just switch to formula." Mom says "what about things I can do to increase my supply?" "Like I said, you can try what you want but if you don't have enough you don't have enough and your baby will keep losing weight. Those herbs and other things don't work anyway. But do whatever you want."

ARGHHH. So I have to gather up this info into something Mom can make use of quickly. We have one week before baby's next 'weigh-in'. If Mom doesn't get the doctor's seal of approval by then she's switching to formula.

Cram session

I've been in front of the computer for the last 30 minutes trying to cram my head full of breastfeeding info; trying to refresh my memory on signs of a good latch, signs the baby is getting enough, how milk production works in the early days etc etc.

My client is really having a hard go of it, and I'm doing everything I can to support her through it so she can have a successful breastfeeding relationship with her little one. This 'support' includes co-ordinating volunteers (through the non-profit I work for) to bring in meals for her, and possibly even finding some very trust-worthy women who are willing to go help her out on a daily basis.... just till she's over this rough patch.

But the casseroles I made for her are ready, and the muffins I baked are cool enough to pack up, so it's time to go see what else I can do to help this new mom.

The Voice of God

The guest musicians this morning were The Mike Janzen Trio. As the minister did his thing (sermon and whatnot) I thought "Yep, sounds pretty normal." There is a piece of the church service where the minister says an absolution, after you have had a moment for confession (as if a moment is long enough!). Most times, I don't really believe the minister when he says the absolution. It just sounds like another memorized piece of the service. Every now and again though, I hear/feel the voice of God speaking through the minister, reminding me that I am forgiven and free. Today wasn't one of those days. I leaned forward in anticipation - I waited to hear God's voice - nope. just ordinary. But THEN - - the bass player of the trio let loose with this haunting melody on his upright bass and I sighed. I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. I thought "Now THERE is the voice of God." And a smile spread across my face. If you have any inkling of an appreciation for jazz music, (and/or a man with a killer smile and eyes you could swim in) get your hands on Mike Janzen's debut album "Beginnings", released through Signpost records. (You can get it at itunes and cdbaby too, but I'd rather support the great musicians at Signpost)

Going back to my room to keep listening now.

Lovely Day

While getting work done on my car, I sat in the grass and caught up on phone calls to friends I hadn't spoken to in a while. When I was caught up on calls, I read more of "Emma" by Jane Austen. I've been picking away at it for months and am determined to finish it eventually.

After my car was done, N (mechanic friend) had a free afternoon so we watched Blood Diamond. Neither of us had seen it yet (but we've both spent time in West Africa). The movie finished just as my room-mate and one of her friends (well, she's a friend of mine too, but I know her through my room-mate) came home. They brought pizza, and wine, and chips & dip, and dessert. So we settled in for an evening of talking, television, playing on the Wi and just generally hanging about. It was good. Now I need to finish changing the sheets on my bed so I can go to sleep. In the morning a friend is picking me up to go to a special Jazz church service that only happens once a year, and we're going out for lunch after. Yeah! It feels like an extra "Summer weekend" in the Fall.

Feeling Better

It is a beautiful day outside!! At least here in Ontario it is. I think I should get dressed and walk downtown for a coffee. It is Harvest Festival this weekend so the downtown area ought to be bustling. Then at noon I'm taking my car over for my mechanic friend to do some work on. He declared the other day that it wasn't sounding as smooth as he thought it should so he wants to see what he can do.

In other (mostly boring) news, the fever has passed (yeah!) and now I just have a cough. Things are looking up.

Crawling into bed

I don't feel AWFUL.... congested head, scratchy throat, bit of a cough. I've been trying to fight it off for a couple days now but a lot of people around me have been sick too. Tonight I felt 'off' enough that I thought I should take my temperature. It was only 99.5. But since my average daily temp is 96.8 - 97 ('normal' is 98.6) that actually is a fever for me. I took two Advil Cold & Sinus.... then it occurred to me that I probably should not have swallowed them with the last of my wine from supper. Oh well. I'm going to crawl into bed and watch a movie until it is time to babysit for a friend at 10pm.

Perhaps a movie and glass of wine will distract me from the fact that I REALLY want to be doing postpartum follow-up and breastfeeding support with my client from a week ago. Fortunately my back-up doula is amazing, and has been over to see my client multiple times this week. I've been in contact by phone with both of them, but that's it.

I'll be back to full-steam ahead soon!

Graduating

I haven't heard back from my prof yet, but I need to submit my "Intent to Graduate" form by next Friday. It says the cost to graduate with a degree is $135 (graduating with a diploma or certificate is $100).

I called the school to say that I'm not actually attending the graduation; do I still need to pay the full $135? They said that even though I'm not attending the big shindig in the Spring, or the little shindig in the Fall, and I'm not getting my photo taken etc, they still have to pay for printing and shipping, therefore I have to pay $135. Are they printing my diploma on gold leaf paper? $135 to pay for printing and shipping seems a little ridiculous. I'll have to come up with the money somehow though....

I have to replace two bearings on my car on Saturday too ($150+). I hate money. Actually - I just hate not having it. :P

Postponed

Phew. The training event I was supposed to be helping with on Saturday has been postponed until October 13. I'm glad. Because I'm on the edges of a cold or something and would rather sleep in and have a slow Saturday doing not much of anything. Which I can do, because - oh yeah - my client had her baby on Friday. It was a very fast birth once things got going. I'll post about that soon. Maybe on Saturday. :)

I'm horrible!

Yesterday I walked into my supervisor's office as he was preparing for a meeting, to find out if there I was anything I needed to know/do before his meeting began.

He was on the phone, looking very serious. He paused for a moment and said "Sit down Sarah. You need to hear this too."

I sat quietly and waited. But inside my heart was racing and my thoughts were flying: What did I do? Who's mad at me? How much trouble am I in? He looks and sounds really serious....

Then he said it: "Do you remember J? About your age? 'Joe Smith's' son?"
"Yes....."
"He committed suicide yesterday. His parents went to visit him because they hadn't been able to reach him in days. They found him in his apartment."

Wooosh - - - this incredible wave of sadness washed over me.... mingled with relief that I wasn't in trouble.... I told you. I'm horrible.

"J" is the second person I know this year to commit suicide. I hadn't seen him in years, and had no contact with him. But I knew him once.

Staying Awake

I found this conversation fascinating....but if you have hard core beliefs, or are squeamish, when it comes to issues of human sexuality then I wouldn't follow the link (it's the honest and vulnerable musings/story of a trans-gendered doula).

What REALLY caught my eye though, was a line in one of the comments after the post (I've edited the one 4-letter word in case little ones are reading over your shoulder):

"what's important (to be a doula) is empathy, loving hands, rock solid feminism and an ability to stay awake for f-ing ever."

I couldn't help but smile. Because just last week someone was asking me if I was okay to drive after a birth. I said "Totally. I haven't even been up 24 hours yet."

The Hormone Hostage

One of my guy friends sent this to me, with the disclaimer that he was not saying anyone he sent it to was hormonal. :)


The hormone hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker, and significant other!
1 - Dangerous
2 - Safer
3 - Safest
4 - Ultra Safe


1 - WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
2 - CAN I HELP YOU WITH DINNER?
3 - WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FOR DINNER?
4 - HERE, HAVE SOME WINE.

1 - ARE YOU WEARING THAT?
2 - WOW, YOU SURE LOOK GOOD IN BROWN!
3 - WOW! LOOK AT YOU!
4 - HERE, HAVE SOME WINE.

1 - WHAT ARE YOU SO WORKED UP ABOUT?
2 - COULD WE BE OVERREACTING?
3 - HERE'S MY PAYCHECK.
4 - HERE, HAVE SOME WINE.

1 - SHOULD YOU BE EATING THAT?
2 - YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF APPLES LEFT.
3 - CAN I GET YOU A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE WITH THAT?
4 - HERE, HAVE SOME WINE.

1 - WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY?
2 - I HOPE YOU DIDN'T OVER-DO IT TODAY.
3 - I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU IN THAT ROBE!
4 - HERE, HAVE SOME MORE WINE.

OMG I don't believe I did that!!!

I visited a client at home this morning who has all the physical indicators that active labour could begin any moment. I turned my phone to 'silent' while with her so we wouldn't be disturbed. I left her resting on the sofa when I headed back to my office. Two hours later I glanced at my cell phone and saw that I had missed a call from her an HOUR prior!! AGH!! Her message didn't seem urgent - just "give me a call when you get this message, I have a question." But AGHHH! I can't believe I forgot to turn up my phone! Now, she does have my office number memorized. And she knows people I know so she could have tracked me down pretty easily if it was urgent. Last night I dreamt that I missed my cell phone ringing....

So I called her back and she just had a simple question. Everything is fine. But I think my phone will be glued to my hip from now on.

Friends

Today I was driving to work, and passed my room-mate who was out for a walk (she is much more disciplined about exercise than I am). Later in the day she sent me a text message saying that the headlight on the passenger side of my car was out.

So, I sent a text message to my friend - N - who is a mechanic, and asked him to order me a replacement bulb.

A couple hours later N phoned my cell to ask where I was at the moment. I told him I was at the mall doing errands, and after some brief discussion (during which he realized I was on call for an out-of-town birth) he said "Okay, well, I'll meet you at your car in a few minutes to replace the bulb." Yep, he actually drove to where I was and replaced my headlight bulb in the parking lot!

I'm telling you - between the friend who helps keep my car on the road, and the one who treated me to a pedicure at the spa, and the ones who picked me up after a LONG out-of-town birth, and the room-mate who puts up with all my craziness...... I feel loved.

Mixed Emotions

ETA2: I couldn't find her new phone number ANYWHERE (she moved since we last had paperwork) so I popped by her apartment to check in. I know that might sound weird, but we have become friends and I know some of her family well so I was pretty sure she'd be okay with it. One "very tired of being pregnant" mama answered the door, having just returned from a night at the hospital. Definate false alarm.

_____________________________________________________________


I just found out (a la facebook) that as of supper yesterday, my September client is "at the hospital in early labour". I wasn't on-call for her yet as she wasn't 'due' till the end of the month. I am HOPING that things were going so well, and she felt so strong and prepared that she just didn't need me. I am worried that she didn't want to 'intrude' on the holiday since I wasn't technically on-call yet and so didn't call even though she wanted to. My cell phone did not show any missed calls.

I am distractedly waiting.... a small piece of me is hoping that it was a false alarm and that I'll still get to be with her later this month. Another piece is saying "Sarah: It's not about you. It's not about you. It's not about you."

And yes, it will make the month of September less complicated if I'm not on-call in the midst of everything....but less exciting too.

*Sigh* I just have to wait - - and try to get some work done!


ETA: I just phoned the hospital and they said she had been discharged.... I think that probably (hopefully) means a false alarm?