Bearing Witness
While at the conference this week, one of the speakers talked about how central LOVE should be to all we say and do in our lives. I read a book at the conference, in which teen after teen said "don't fix my problems for me - just be with me through them. listen to me. love me. that's all I ask..." Then I came home, and when catching up on blogs read of a woman who promised herself she would never sit bedside in birth with another woman.... After all she had seen, she decided she could no longer put herself through it; she could no longer bear witness to another hospital birth. And in the midst of all that, I had a dream. Here's my thought's, after all these things melded together:
I am an action-person. If something is wrong, I want to make it right. If someone has a problem, I want to find a solution. If a pregnant Mom is not receiving the care she deserves from her doctor or nurses, I want to make heads roll until she gets the best!
The other night I dreamt that a couple whom I cared about deeply were expecting a baby. Mom went into labour early, there were complications, and their doctor was nowhere to be found. Mom was under the care of a dumb-#$* jerk who was cruel and stupid, and the couple was desperately hoping that if their own doctor came then perhaps something could be done to keep Mom and baby both safe. The couple begged me to go find their doctor and MAKE him come back. A piece of me knew it wasn't my place to go hunt down their doctor, but I was so desperate to save the situation that I agreed. I raised all sorts of trouble to MAKE that doctor return and care for my client - dragging him behind me as I raced down the hall. And when I say "All kinds of trouble" I mean crashing meetings, trashing his office, and physically dragging him by the scruff of the neck down the hallway - I think all my real life unexpressed rage at incompetency was coming out in this dream scene!
As we got closer to the hospital room and hope was starting to build that everything was going to be okay, a friend of the couple walked out. I knew immediately that something was very wrong, yet still asked "Is everything okay?" The friend could do nothing more than shake their head "no" - their grief was so deep and terrible.... I knew that either Mom, or her baby, had died while I was gone.
My spirit sank low within me.... not just because of the death, but because of my absence during that death. I should have been with Mom, Dad, and baby through their horrific ordeal. But I was so busy making the doctor act, I didn't actually do what I was called to - embracing, caring, and loving unconditionally no matter WHAT happened.
I woke up from the dream, and while still in that half-asleep place, I realized God was using this dream to tell me: Sarah, it is not your place to change the course of events. I have called you to bear witness to the births of my children, and to love these mother's, also my children, through it all.
As a follower of Jesus, as a human being, there are times when the right thing to do is fight for justice in our un-just world. There are also times when it is not our place to intervene, but to love unconditionally those persons touched by injustice and heartache.
Even when it appears that a problem needs a solution - for instance, when a young person works up the courage to say "I'm struggling with cutting" - what they need first is not a solution to their problem. They need first to be embraced, cared for, and loved unconditionally. Wrongs need to be righted, problems need to be solved, and injustices need to be corrected. But......:
"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere.
So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.
Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit...... We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love." (1 Cor 13:1-13 the Message)
I am an action-person. If something is wrong, I want to make it right. If someone has a problem, I want to find a solution. If a pregnant Mom is not receiving the care she deserves from her doctor or nurses, I want to make heads roll until she gets the best!
The other night I dreamt that a couple whom I cared about deeply were expecting a baby. Mom went into labour early, there were complications, and their doctor was nowhere to be found. Mom was under the care of a dumb-#$* jerk who was cruel and stupid, and the couple was desperately hoping that if their own doctor came then perhaps something could be done to keep Mom and baby both safe. The couple begged me to go find their doctor and MAKE him come back. A piece of me knew it wasn't my place to go hunt down their doctor, but I was so desperate to save the situation that I agreed. I raised all sorts of trouble to MAKE that doctor return and care for my client - dragging him behind me as I raced down the hall. And when I say "All kinds of trouble" I mean crashing meetings, trashing his office, and physically dragging him by the scruff of the neck down the hallway - I think all my real life unexpressed rage at incompetency was coming out in this dream scene!
As we got closer to the hospital room and hope was starting to build that everything was going to be okay, a friend of the couple walked out. I knew immediately that something was very wrong, yet still asked "Is everything okay?" The friend could do nothing more than shake their head "no" - their grief was so deep and terrible.... I knew that either Mom, or her baby, had died while I was gone.
My spirit sank low within me.... not just because of the death, but because of my absence during that death. I should have been with Mom, Dad, and baby through their horrific ordeal. But I was so busy making the doctor act, I didn't actually do what I was called to - embracing, caring, and loving unconditionally no matter WHAT happened.
I woke up from the dream, and while still in that half-asleep place, I realized God was using this dream to tell me: Sarah, it is not your place to change the course of events. I have called you to bear witness to the births of my children, and to love these mother's, also my children, through it all.
As a follower of Jesus, as a human being, there are times when the right thing to do is fight for justice in our un-just world. There are also times when it is not our place to intervene, but to love unconditionally those persons touched by injustice and heartache.
Even when it appears that a problem needs a solution - for instance, when a young person works up the courage to say "I'm struggling with cutting" - what they need first is not a solution to their problem. They need first to be embraced, cared for, and loved unconditionally. Wrongs need to be righted, problems need to be solved, and injustices need to be corrected. But......:
"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere.
So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.
Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit...... We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love." (1 Cor 13:1-13 the Message)
posted by Sarahthedoula @ 5:05 PM
3 comments
