Blah blah blah blah blah

I am revising the school project yet again. It doesn't matter if I agree with my prof. It doesn't even really matter if I understand my prof. What I am doing is trying to incorporate every little change s/he suggested I make (even the ones which to my eyes appear to be contradictory or I can't seem to make real sense of) to see if that gets me somewhere. I've been spending all this time trying to understand and it isn't getting me anywhere, so now I'm going to try just being a parrot. I can be a parrot. It isn't personal. It's about getting this DONE.

For the memorial service:

Although I hadn't seen Aunt Joan in many years, visiting her is still one
of my earliest childhood memories. She smelled of rose perfume, and there
was usually a cold can of 7-Up and some Tic-Tacs close at hand.

Many years later, when I began serving as a missionary with "non-profit org", Aunt Joan wrote me a letter. She wanted me to know that even
though there were things of faith we didn't agree on, we had more in
common than not. She wanted me to know that she loved me. She was proud of me. And, that she continued to pray for me. Even with all the
differences in our beliefs, from time to time she still popped a card in
the mail.

There is a line in a song which says "I've never gone so far that I've
forgotten my way home." Aunt Joan's life took her down many paths, some
which seem very far away from home and family. But she grew up in a home where Christ was the center, and I would like to believe that in the end,she remembered where her true home is, and that Christ welcomed her into his loving eternal arms.

Visitor from Ghana

A dear friend from Ghana - Joseph - arrived today. After a big hug and hello, the first question he asked me was "So Sarah, when are you coming to Ghana for one or two years to work in the clinic?" When? When? Oh I don't know... but I was thinking just the other day that I have NO interest in being a midwife in North America - there is just so much political and legal mumbo-jumbo to deal with here. In Ghana though? Now that is another story altogether - a story I would actually consider. I can dream big right?

Where to be...?

On Saturday a friend of mine is releasing their first ever CD and is having a release party to celebrate. I haven't seen this friend or their family in almost 6months. I'm also wanting to visit another friend while there, who I've had to cancel on the last 3 times we've tried to get together.

BUT, my Aunt died unexpectedly a few weeks ago and my Mom just phoned today to say her memorial service is being held out of town tomorrow. Yep - same time as the party. And they'll be going down early so that they can visit my very elderly Grandmother (Dad's side) while in the area.

I can't be in both places at once and I'll feel guilty for not being in the other place, no matter which one I do choose. Gah!

Fortunately my Mom was very understanding of my uncertainty about which event to attend, and has simply asked that I write something out which she can read on my behalf at the memorial service.

Even though I can't be there, I'm very glad that a memorial service is being held, because when my Mom's brother died last year there was no service of any form. She didn't even find out he had died until weeks after the fact. I feel sad for my Mom, because both her parents and all but one of her siblings have died now.... and my Mom is only in her 50's.

Perhaps I will raise a private toast in my aunt's honour on Saturday...

getting out the shovel

Okay - my perspective is improving (thank you coffee and chocolate!).

And as a wise friend often says:

"It doesn't matter how the sh*t gets in your lap, you still have to deal with it."

So I will deal with it. And the sooner this hot steaming stinky mess is gone, the happier I'll be!

But on the bright side:

I won $100 worth of lunapads in a contest and picked out a stash for myself last night. Yeah for me!

Cranky....

That's me today alright - one big bundle of sunshine and happiness.

I am tired.

I am trying to design a brochure for business people about the non-profit I work for which needs to be done, taken to the printer, folded, and out in the mail by 4:00pm. (I only found this out yesterday when I woke up at lunch time, after being at a birth all night, and came into work to get it started) This is in addition to various other smaller projects which need to be dealt with sooner than later.

I received a response from my prof on the letter I sent - s/he told me to resubmit everything and said that the communication issues were entirely my fault. S/he re-sent the same two pages of guidelines I've had since the beginning and told me to follow them. Whatever. I didn't really expect anything else from this individual.

BUT THEN I got a response from the Dean of Students today who suggested I take the profs "helpful" suggestions into account, follow the guidelines as laid out in writing and in class (Can no one at this institution READ???), and just generally 'work it out'. And if I fail, the appeal process can be found on page blah blah blah of the student handbook.

TEARING OUT MY HAIR HERE.....!

But there is no time for cranky wallowing today - stuff needs to get done so I better dive in.

I need chocolate.

The best compliment

"When I look in your eyes and breathe with you Sarah, it's like you're inside my contraction with me, and then I know I'm gonna be okay."

Today I am loving being a doula.

Oh so beautiful.....

I found this video on a midwifery blog I read. It is so beautiful that I thought I'd share. I hope you find yourself inspired.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

A birth-y kind of day

I got hired today. Yeah! By a well-informed, motivated, and loving couple having a first baby soon. I'm excited.

I also met a fellow doula who I've done back-up for before, but we hadn't met yet. We hit it off well. She'll be back-up for me on this coming birth, since she is in closer driving distance than my regular back-up doula.

When I got home, an online doula friend had sent me an e-mail which had me laughing OUT LOUD at my computer (thank you k!).

Her funny e-mail made up for the LONG one which I received from my school instructor. I sent my prof a package which s/he obviously received today. I also sent all the material in question to the Dean of Students. My prof isn't happy. Meh. Hopefully things will start to make real progress now.

I need to go write down notes from the interview with my client today, before I lose track of all the details. Besides, that's more fun to think about than school.

oooh!

I want to do THIS!

I've tried to write a few times now, about the most recent birth I attended.

It was long (24 hours of labour support plus 6 hours of immediate postpartum support). It was complicated (many interventions were necessary). It was emotionally draining (this young mom was in rough shape and needed all I had to give).

But what sticks out most to me about this birth right now, is the wonderful support I received from the nurses and doctors at the hospital. Every time I walked by the nurses desk, someone would comment positively on what I was doing. They brought me warm blankets in the night when I looked chilled. They booked me my own room so I would have somewhere to take a break (I didn't have time to use it, but the gesture was kind). When things were messy and I couldn't step away long enough to even put on gloves, the nurse behind me said "pass me your hand" and she gloved me so that I didn't have to leave mom's side in order to keep safe. I was treated as an equal, and that was amazing.

I've read and re-read the evaluation form which the doctor filled out for me - she said that they couldn't have done it without me. I hear that sort of thing from Mom's and Dad's, but to have the doctor see the value in my presence at that level was pretty awesome.

Unfortunately this hospital is not exactly local.... BUT... if I have the opportunity I will absolutely return there. When someone recently asked me for a recommendation on where to go for a VBAC, this hospital was on the tip of my tongue. I said this in part because the nurses at the desk cheered when a woman on the floor had a successful VBAC. How's that for positive atmosphere?

The whole medical team actively worked for my client to have a safe, vaginal birth. They clearly did not WANT to use interventions unless they were truly necessary, and they kept clear lines of communication with my client every step of the way. I think that's part of why I feel okay about all the interventions which happened - I could see that they were a last resort and needed to happen. Often after a birth like this I feel traumatized, because of my powerlessness to protect my client from interventions which cause more harm than good. (yeah I know - stay in my scope of practice etc. Not my job to protect but to inform etc. etc. But sometimes the defender and protector in me chafes at having to keep my mouth shut and then pick up the pieces) In this case though, the interventions caused more good than harm, and had been very clearly thought through. Everyone involved wanted what was best for my client, even when it was inconvenient hard work for them. I know that's the way it should be, but it isn't often the reality at a hospital birth.

This is also a teaching hospital, which meant I got to learn, as the doctors explained to students why various decisions had been made, what the risks and benefits were, etc. I was able to see some procedures and techniques in action which I had only read about before.

And, being a teaching hospital, there were a lot of young doctors around. A lot of handsome young male doctors. When I was at the end of my rope and needed a boost/pleasant distraction, I said to myself "I need something amusing for a moment." I looked around the room and saw Dr.K.
"Ooh. he'll do." :)

Putting the cart before the horse

As you know, I don't have any kids.
I am not pregnant.
I am not even in a relationship.
AND YET - I have a whole bag of cloth diapers.

A friend of a friend passed them on to me thinking I may be able to pass them on to a client who wants to cd. In the meantime, they are in the backseat of my car.
I had to chuckle to myself on that one.

New client possibility

I just got a call from a person who found my name and number on a website listing doula services, wanting to know if I was available in early June. Which I am. We talked for a few minutes, and I gave her my website so that she can look things over and then ask me questions when she's ready. She lives 1.5 hrs West of the hospital she'll be birthing at, which is about 1 hour East of me. She was totally fine with my fee, and is learning about natural/low-intervention birth in pre-natal class with her partner. She won't be in the hospital area again until mid-May, but if she's interested in having me as her doula then she'll call me and we'll try to get together then. So exciting....! Because even if she doesn't hire me, the doula movement is still growing and that's a good thing. Especially since May is Doula month - I really should send a press release to our local paper.

Random

Friday through Sunday are a blur of tree-planting, food prep and so on. By the time I finally got HOME on Monday afternoon all I wanted to do was flop on the sofa for a few hours - which is exactly what I did.

Yesterday was low-key at the office - helping a co-worker with some A/V prep, and painting little blocks for an event later in the week. I liked the painting - I didn't have to think about it.... and it was such a pretty colour of periwinkle blue.

Tomorrow I am going to an appointment with my friend and god-daughter in a nearby city. It will be nice to have time to visit with them both (although at 4 years old, the conversation with my god-daughter flows a little differently than it does with her mom!)

Thursday afternoon through Saturday lunch I'll be at a conference for my church. Well, conference isn't quite the right word. It's more like a business meeting that lasts multiple days with church-y things thrown in between.

I think that's the update from my corner of the world.